And then I.... - Ann Linquist Writes

This was the moment I should have started to unbutton my top and ask Mandy if there wasn’t anything, anything at all, I could do to keep my job.

Unfortunately, I forgot my lines and we had to shoot the whole scene over again. Brenda, she plays Mandy in the movie, was really sore. I don’t mean she was mad, although I suppose she was, but after the third take, she looked really sore.

Anyway, I’m getting way ahead of myself. My movie career started the day my manager, for real, at the Radio Shack store in the Galleria, told us we were all being let go because no one wanted to be a member of the Battery Club anymore. This was like the third major bummer in my life in the last six months.

First, Don, my boyfriend, had to go to jail for some reason. He used to make TV commercials about how people could make all this money if they put these tiny classified ads in loads of newspapers. I guess that must have been illegal. I don’t know, but he went off to jail without paying the last four installments on my boob job, and I got hit with this bill that even Obama Care wouldn’t pay. I just knew that whole thing was a crock. Anyway, the hospital said they had to be paid or I would have to give them one boob back. I’m not sure if they said the left one or only one would be left. Either way, I thought screw that, and went back to work.

I got this job at Chi-Chi’s, which was a Mexican restaurant. You know I don’t know anything about cooking, and I sure didn’t know anything about Mexican cooking, but they decided to put me in the kitchen. I guess maybe they wouldn’t let me be a waitress because of the really bad case of shingles I got after they came to take Don away. They say it’s a type of herpes you know. But, anyway, there I was, in the kitchen making some bangin’ good Mexican food. Or at least I thought.

Do you know what green onions are? Me neither. I thought green onions needed to ripen since most onions I know of are, well, not green. Anyway, I let this batch of onions sit out on the counter for a few days until they got ripe.

Then, you know what? The onions somehow got hepatitis A and so did all the people who ate them. You can probably guess, but there was this whole big stink because four people died and the restaurant went out of business and they bulldozed the building down and built a sporting goods store on the spot. I applied for a job at the sporting goods store but I think they knew who I was because my name and picture were in all the papers.

That sucked, but then, Enrique, he was my manager at Chi-Chi’s and sort of my boyfriend once the shingles cleared up, knew this guy who was making these electronic things that you could use to make phone calls for free. I kind of knew that was illegal, but Enrique told me that if I got a job at Radio Shack I could use my discount to get cheap electrical parts and I would have money to pay the hospital for the boob job and poor people would be able to make free calls. At the time, it all seemed sort of legit in some strange way.

Well, that was where I worked until the bottom fell out of the Battery Club thing, which is weird because I didn’t even know they sold batteries because the CVS sells batteries and I don’t know why you would go to the mall to get batteries when they have them at CVS and I’m at CVS like every day.

So, I was only working there a few weeks when Pat, the manager at the Radio Shack that closed, told me she was thinking a lot about my boobs. I guess that made sense because I missed a few payments to the hospital during the Chi-Chi’s trial and the bastards were taking money from my Radio Shack paycheck, which Pat probably knew about. Pat was a real nice lady. I guess she had been in the Army or something because she had a crew cut and a really big flashlight that clipped on her belt right next to the chain for her wallet. Anyway, Pat had an idea about how I could make some extra money, but the store closed and Pat was transferred to Albuquerque before she could tell me.

I figured at that point I was pretty much screwed, but Jimmie, one of the ‘ghouls’ they bring in to clean out stores that are out of business, told me he had a friend who was making a movie in the old J C Penney store. I said like “No way,” and he says like “Way.” So, it turns out that Jimmie was scoring video cameras and stuff from the Radio Shack for cheap, so his friend, his name is Escalade, like the car, could make this awesome movie.

Now this is the cool part; Jimmie asked me if I wanted to be in the movie. I said like “Sure,” and last Tuesday Jimmie let me behind the plywood wall they built in front of the old Penney’s entrance so I could meet everybody who was working on the movie, which is a secret by the way, so don’t tell anyone.

Escalade was like totally amazing. He took lots of pictures of me so he could make sure the lighting and stuff was just perfect for my skin tone. Brenda, she’s Mandy in the movie, works at the Victoria’s Secret in the same mall and she gets all the girls free movie costumes. You have to return them, but it’s still pretty cool. Sandy is with Mall Security and she is supposed to be one of the women who’s firing me in the movie. Sandy isn’t really a ‘people person’, in fact she’s kind of mean, especially to Brenda, but she was able to get us in the J C Penney store for filming, which is pretty sweet I think. Jimmie, of course, does the camera and lights and whatever Escalade needs him to do.

So Mom, that’s pretty much everything that’s been going on with me the last six months or so. I’m really excited about the movie, I’m sure you can tell, and I’ll definitely send you and Brad a DVD of it as soon as it’s finished.

Love and kisses,

Your daughter Meaghan, the (soon to be) movie star

AKA “Misty Dawn” – My movie star name ☺

9 Responses

annlinquist says:

February 12, 2015 at 3:20 am

Gotta love all bald transgenders!
annlinquist says:

February 11, 2015 at 7:44 pm

If she’s a blond, I can accuse you of using cliches. But I’m sure you were careful. (Or maybe not. I don’t think “careful” is one of your favorite pastimes.) Best getting fired (repeatedly) story I’ve seen in a long time!
1. garytreible says:
  
  February 12, 2015 at 12:58 am
  
  The writer is a bald transgender. I never take cheap shots. 🙂
  1. Gullible says:
    
    February 12, 2015 at 7:59 am
    
    I love your twisted mind.
garytreible says:

February 11, 2015 at 12:27 am

This was the moment I should have started to unbutton my top and ask Mandy if there wasn’t anything, anything at all, I could do to keep my job.

Unfortunately, I forgot my lines and we had to shoot the whole scene over again. Brenda, she plays Mandy in the movie, was really sore. I don’t mean she was mad, although I suppose she was, but after the third take, she looked really sore.

Anyway, I’m getting way ahead of myself. My movie career started the day my manager, for real, at the Radio Shack store in the Galleria, told us we were all being let go because no one wanted to be a member of the Battery Club anymore. This was like the third major bummer in my life in the last six months.

First, Don, my boyfriend, had to go to jail for some reason. He used to make TV commercials about how people could make all this money if they put these tiny classified ads in loads of newspapers. I guess that must have been illegal. I don’t know, but he went off to jail without paying the last four installments on my boob job, and I got hit with this bill that even Obama Care wouldn’t pay. I just knew that whole thing was a crock. Anyway, the hospital said they had to be paid or I would have to give them one boob back. I’m not sure if they said the left one or only one would be left. Either way, I thought screw that, and went back to work.

I got this job at Chi-Chi’s, which was a Mexican restaurant. You know I don’t know anything about cooking, and I sure didn’t know anything about Mexican cooking, but they decided to put me in the kitchen. I guess maybe they wouldn’t let me be a waitress because of the really bad case of shingles I got after they came to take Don away. They say it’s a type of herpes you know. But, anyway, there I was, in the kitchen making some bangin’ good Mexican food. Or at least I thought.

Do you know what green onions are? Me neither. I thought green onions needed to ripen since most onions I know of are, well, not green. Anyway, I let this batch of onions sit out on the counter for a few days until they got ripe.

Then, you know what? The onions somehow got hepatitis A and so did all the people who ate them. You can probably guess, but there was this whole big stink because four people died and the restaurant went out of business and they bulldozed the building down and built a sporting goods store on the spot. I applied for a job at the sporting goods store but I think they knew who I was because my name and picture were in all the papers.

That sucked, but then, Enrique, he was my manager at Chi-Chi’s and sort of my boyfriend once the shingles cleared up, knew this guy who was making these electronic things that you could use to make phone calls for free. I kind of knew that was illegal, but Enrique told me that if I got a job at Radio Shack I could use my discount to get cheap electrical parts and I would have money to pay the hospital for the boob job and poor people would be able to make free calls. At the time, it all seemed sort of legit in some strange way.

Well, that was where I worked until the bottom fell out of the Battery Club thing, which is weird because I didn’t even know they sold batteries because the CVS sells batteries and I don’t know why you would go to the mall to get batteries when they have them at CVS and I’m at CVS like every day.

So, I was only working there a few weeks when Pat, the manager at the Radio Shack that closed, told me she was thinking a lot about my boobs. I guess that made sense because I missed a few payments to the hospital during the Chi-Chi’s trial and the bastards were taking money from my Radio Shack paycheck, which Pat probably knew about. Pat was a real nice lady. I guess she had been in the Army or something because she had a crew cut and a really big flashlight that clipped on her belt right next to the chain for her wallet. Anyway, Pat had an idea about how I could make some extra money, but the store closed and Pat was transferred to Albuquerque before she could tell me.

I figured at that point I was pretty much screwed, but Jimmie, one of the ‘ghouls’ they bring in to clean out stores that are out of business, told me he had a friend who was making a movie in the old J C Penney store. I said like “No way,” and he says like “Way.” So, it turns out that Jimmie was scoring video cameras and stuff from the Radio Shack for cheap, so his friend, his name is Escalade, like the car, could make this awesome movie.

Now this is the cool part; Jimmie asked me if I wanted to be in the movie. I said like “Sure,” and last Tuesday Jimmie let me behind the plywood wall they built in front of the old Penney’s entrance so I could meet everybody who was working on the movie, which is a secret by the way, so don’t tell anyone.

Escalade was like totally amazing. He took lots of pictures of me so he could make sure the lighting and stuff was just perfect for my skin tone. Brenda, she’s Mandy in the movie, works at the Victoria’s Secret in the same mall and she gets all the girls free movie costumes. You have to return them, but it’s still pretty cool. Sandy is with Mall Security and she is supposed to be one of the women who’s firing me in the movie. Sandy isn’t really a ‘people person’, in fact she’s kind of mean, especially to Brenda, but she was able to get us in the J C Penney store for filming, which is pretty sweet I think. Jimmie, of course, does the camera and lights and whatever Escalade needs him to do.

So Mom, that’s pretty much everything that’s been going on with me the last six months or so. I’m really excited about the movie, I’m sure you can tell, and I’ll definitely send you and Brad a DVD of it as soon as it’s finished.

Love and kisses,

Your daughter Meaghan, the (soon to be) movie star

AKA “Misty Dawn” – My movie star name ☺
1. Walterburgle (Ward Weatherford) says:
  
  February 11, 2015 at 4:20 pm
  
  I can actually hear the whistling sound coming from this girl’s head.
  
  Bonk-chik-a-wow-wow.
Gullible says:

February 7, 2015 at 10:43 pm

Perfect, Walk!
annlinquist says:

February 7, 2015 at 10:26 pm

Perfect firing fantasy! I especially like the idea of jumping up on the desk and hollering, even if it was a Tarzan call. I was hoping for some scenarios of payback to the corporate culture. You definitely came through.
Walk says:

February 7, 2015 at 7:20 pm

This was the moment that I should do a Three Stooges slap across their face, because the only incompetence in the organization was standing in front of me. No, I had a better idea, so I got up on my desk, stood there with my hands in the air, and shouted, “Free at last, Free at last. Thank God Almighty I’m free at last.” I tapped danced on the desk blotter, bent over with my butt in their face and passed the most wonderful, long and aromatic gas that insulted even me. I then packed my few personal belongings and started towards the door, leaving them there gasping for air. As I reached the door, I turned back to them and asked, “Would it be permissible to use you as a reference?”

I didn’t think so.

And then I….

9 Responses