Plotting

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    Good practice!


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    371. One last comment…. Is there any way with the new blog to get an email message when someone posts? Polling the site to check for activity is a bit of a pain, and probably works against more active participation. Just my $.02

    372. 1978, New York City. Michael Sweeny is a cop with a gambling problem. He has one week to cover a $20,000 mob debt he cannot repay. Abe Steinfeld, a used car dealer, also with ties to the mob, offers to pay the debt if Michael will arrange for someone “innocent” to drive a car from Miami to his lot in Brooklyn. Michael, out of options, agrees to send his wife Rosa and son Timothy to Florida by train to retrieve the car, which is assumed to contain hidden narcotics. Before they leave, Michael slips a package into Rosa’s purse.

      On the way back to New York with the car, Rosa is run off the road along an isolated section of the Blue Ridge Parkway. A man wearing a bolo tie and round rimless glasses points a gun at Rosa and demands she get out of the car. Rosa pulls a gun from her purse and shoots the man, who then shoots and kills Rosa. Timothy, the only witness, runs away. The man, a mobster with the Miami syndicate, leaves in the hijacked car. Back in New York, the car fails to show up and the mob kills Michael for the debt. The Virginia police find Timothy and return him to New York. Months later, the child welfare authority decides that Timothy, now suffering from violent PTSD, should be relocated out of the city.

      Three years later, Timothy, now living with a foster family in a gated community on the shores of Lake Otsego, takes the bus to school. When he arrives, the principal informs the class that their regular teacher is sick and that Mr. Juarez will be teaching the class. Mr. Juarez, wearing a bolo tie and round rimless glasses, begins to take roll call.

      1. Sorry to be so late in responding. (I’m on vacation.) Good plot for a movie or maybe a short story, given that surprise ending. It would be fun to figure out who plays these characters. You might figure out a way to get Abe Steinfeld back into the plot. Maybe it’s his brother who lends Michael the money and then ends up shooting Michael. Michael clearly is a slimeball, and no one will mourn him when he dies. The gunman has to be one more character, and since you’re good at names, you should give him one. The hero (or perhaps antihero) of the story is Timothy who starts off as a great kid (nice to his mom, eager to help his dad) but goes downhill with the death of both parents and the trauma of seeing his mother die and knowing the killer survived. He’s seen enough TV to know he’s a marked man/kid. Decide if he’s in foster care in NY or perhaps a juvenile home because he is either acting out or hiding in closets. You also have three years to fill. Apparently Timmy is now recovering and trying to be normal. Too bad about the bolo tie and round rimless glasses. Such a nice touch. As a short story, you could end there. As a movie, you might need to figure out some way Timmy has learned to protect himself by rigging up a laptop that electrocutes the user. Or something. Plotting is fun. I’m guessing you could free write plots all day, Gary.

        1. Thanks, Ann. As I wrote this I had a number of additional ideas, but I couldn’t work them within the 300-word limit. One was to create the suggestion that the hitman was working for Abe, who never had any intention of paying the debt and knew that the people Michael had borrowed from would ultimately take Michael out. He only needed someone beyond suspicion to get the car out of Florida. The second takes the story to the movie level (I agree what I posted would be a bit short). In the extended version, the presence of the man with the bolo tie and glasses at school ironically fits the description of the hitman in Timothy’s mind. In a series of flashback scenes (or obscure description in a written version) we see that the name of Abe’s used car dealership is “Lake Otsego A1 Preowned.” When Michael convinces Rosa to make the trip to Florida, they have a discussion in their kitchen. On the refrigerator is a lunch menu with the name of Timothy’s school in Otsego. We also learn the names of Timothy’s “adoptive” parents are Mike and Rose. Feeling as though he must kill the substitute teacher to potentially save his own life, Timothy violently assaults the teacher. In the end, when police officers have secured the school, we hear one say “He was shot at work. We found her the car, still in the garage.” The implied ending is that a crazed Timothy, now dead, killed his family and mentally constructed a story involving debts, drugs, and hitmen to justify, in his own mind, his abhorrent actions.

          I think the double twist would make a pretty decent film.

          Anyway, I wish some of the other writers had taken on this challenge. This was an excellent prompt if you want to develop skills as a storyteller.